A long time ago it occurred to me when preparing for a trip that the journey begins a long time in advance of the physical departure and doesn’t end with the physical return. So right now, because I am leaving in less than two weeks for a three month trip to Spain and other destinations, I have been pondering this thought.
Part of the process is the dreaming. This trip is part of a childhood dream to be a “foreign exchange” student living with a family in another country. Growing up poor this was only a wild fantasy. Somewhere around my fortieth birthday I discovered that it is never too late to have a happy childhood. So at sixty five I am going to Spain to live with a family there and go to school.
Another part of the beginning of any journey is the planning and dreaming stage, buying tickets, making arrangements, getting affairs in order and the like. It happens that a friend of mine will be in London while I am in Spain, so we decided to meet up in some places we would both like to visit for long weekends. We talked about various places and decided to spend one week end in Lisbon another in Prague and Amsterdam. I decided to stay a few extra days in Amsterdam to see the sights and do some “window shopping.” Then I added five days in Fuengirola where I have some friends I’ve known since John and I went to Spain in 2006.
At some point in the planning and preparing the mind begins to spend more and more time in the destination. I have noticed a very elusive veil of sadness about all the people and things I will miss. I don’t remember this feeling being prominent before my prior trips. I like to believe that I have come to love my daily life and the people around me. And I realize how blessed I am to be going on such a fantastic adventure and also have a place I hate to leave.
And now it is getting close to the time for physical departure. This is a time for packing, gathering last minute items I believe I might possibly need while I am gone, unpacking stuff because the suitcase is too full, going for walks and hikes with friends, spending precious moments visiting with people I love.
Some amount of detachment occurs for me as my mind wanders to the future. I’m not quite here and I’m not quite there. I try hard to live in the moment, but it is difficult.
Years ago I had separation issues. I never left a place without a great deal of anger and rancor. I was seldom missed or welcomed back. It is sweet to know that I will be missed and that I will be welcomed back.
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